When You Need A Little Confidence
When was the last time you need a little confidence? Maybe it was for your last job interview? Or walking into a room full of strangers (introverts unite)? Or maybe it was asking that friend out for coffee? Or addressing an issue in a relationship you knew would be hard?
Whatever that thing is for you, know that you're not alone. Many of us face the need for more confidence. In who we are. In what we're called to do. In choosing courageous obedience and freedom over comfort and routine.
What does confidence look like?
I've been thinking about this recently because our faith coaching group is studying the book of Acts. Acts is a display of Holy Spirit confidence. From the moment they received the Holy Spirit, the leaders of the early church walk in boldness and preach courageously and see God working first hand in and through them. I don't know about you but that's the kind of life I want. To step our in boldness. To know who I am on the inside and let it shine on the outside. To step confidently even when it might get me in trouble.
Last night in our group, we did this coaching tool called Holy Spirit Courage. It posed the question, "What would your life look like if you had the courage of the Holy Spirit like Peter and John did in Acts 4?"
As I wrote down each fear holding me back and what Holy Spirit courage would look like in my life, I realized one thing. Confidence and courage look like being you beautifully. Confidence comes from embracing the way God made you and living it out. Confidence comes when your insides and reflects on your outside life unapologetically.
Here's the other thing I believe. Confidence is cultivated. You and I, no matter where we start from, can cultivate confidence in our lives by learning to embrace who we are and asking and answering questions when it comes to our own confidence. Some questions to get you started are:
What does confidence look like?
It's important to define what we're shooting for. As you think about seeking confidence, it's important to know what it looks like to you. What is your frame of mind when you are confident? Your posture? How you see yourself? Pull out that journal or a scratch piece of paper and write this stuff down. Define where you're going and how you know when you'll get there.
In what ways do I need to embrace who God made me to be?
As I mentioned above, the one thing that stood out to me as I answered questions about Holy Spirit courage were about embracing and becoming exactly who God created me to be. Being fearlessly authentic in every situation. So how do we get there?
We get there by pressing pause and looking at who we are today. In that same journal, write down the things you love about yourself. Your personality. How you show up for family and friends. Strengths and gifts and talents that help you contribute to your team. Next list out the things you don't like about yourself.
I know what you're thinking. How is that going to help? Trust the process. Once you've listed the things you don't like, ask yourself how can I embrace and love those things too? Give yourself grace. Choose to love all of you from the inside out. Work on baby steps to embracing those things you'd rather change.
What is at the heart of the places where I lack confidence?
I was listening to this podcast yesterday. Carlos Whitaker, the author of a new book called, Kill the Spider was being interviewed. In the interview he told the story of his dad who was a pastor in Panama. His dad was leading a revival and an older woman approached him three nights in a row asking for prayer to clean out the cobwebs.
For three nights, this pastor prayed for God to clean up the cobwebs. On the last night, she asked for the same prayer. Instead, the pastor told her that she needed to stop cleaning the cobwebs and kill the spider instead.
In our everyday real lives, the cobwebs are those symptoms of the problem that we try to straighten up. When it comes to confidence, I could give you three steps to believing in yourself and help you clean the cobwebs of lacking confidence. Or you and I can dig deeper. The spider represents the why - the what lies beneath.
Interestingly enough, Carlos ended that story by saying only the Holy Spirit and God can kill the spider. We still need to do the work on triggers and what drives us to not feel confident, but in the end seeing ourselves as God sees us and allowing the Holy Spirit access is what will kill the spider.
Where is God asking me to step outside of my comfort zone?
I read an interesting point when it comes to confidence. Those who choose courage over fear and step outside their comfort zone cultivate confidence. The reality is that when we are asked to do something courageous and we find the strength to choose courage and obedience, we are preparing ourselves for the next step out of our comfort zone and building the confidence that says, "I can do this."
If we choose to let fear drive the car, we will consistently choose comfort. And when we choose comfort, we aren't exercising that confidence muscle. All that to say - God knows what He's doing when He calls you and I out of that boat to walk on water. Through life circumstances and our brave choices, He's building a beautiful and confident you. So, try something new this week. Step out of the boat. Choose to say yes even when you're scared. And see how God builds confidence in who you are on the inside so that it can shine on the outside.
Looking for more life coaching tools on developing confidence in life? I'm offering a group coaching workshop this Saturday.