Anyone else out there ever feel like your most important people can sometimes feel like they are speaking another language? From the ways we organize and communicate our thoughts to the way your loved ones go about doing things (that may even drive you crazy), we can all invest in learning to build healthier relationships.

Enter the Enneagram. To be honest with you, I stumbled across the Enneagram by accident. My own journey included a need to develop a healthier relationship with myself and those closest to me. When I learned about the Enneagram, I was draw to the idea that I could develop self-awareness and in turn connect more meaningfully with others by understanding the specific lens through which they saw the world.

What I’ve learned in using the Enneagram as a tool for my own spiritual and emotional health + helping others use it in their own journeys is that self + other awareness can help us build deeper and more meaningful connections in life. If you’re ready to build healthier relationships, then here are 4 lessons I’ve learned in my own journey.

Start with self-awareness

Whether you choose to use the Enneagram or another tool, self-awareness is the start of meaningful connection. Before you can connect deeply with others, it’s important to understand ourselves and the way God made us. The Enneagram can be a helpful tool because it reveals why we do what we do which can lead us to identifying repeated patterns of behavior.

You know that thing you do that you wish you didn’t? That thing that maybe gets you in trouble or those words you wish you could take back? I bet that’s all related to your dominant Enneagram type.

Once we understand our core motivations, our natural strengths, and what can trigger us — we’re ready to work on our own emotional + spiritual health. And all of that? Helps us deepen the relationships we have in our lives.

Understanding others

One of the essential ingredients to a thriving community is understanding others. Once I understood my own core motivations, I was able to see that not everyone sees the world the way I see and experience it. There are 8 other ways of seeing and interacting with the world — all driven by the strategies we use to find love and experience in this world.

Once I began to learn more about the Enneagram and all 9 types, it helped me develop empathy and understanding in my family, friend, and co-worker relationships. I was able to see what drove some to plan and make lists and why others were more comfortable without a firm plan. I began to see those things that drove me crazy were just different ways of showing up in the world.

Break the cycle of misunderstanding

The Enneagram can show us our patterns of stress and growth. See those lines on the Enneagram map? Those indicate predictive stress patterns for each type. For example, when under stress, an Enneagram Type 7 can take on qualities of the low side of type 1. They can become more perfectionistic and lose their sense of fun to manage the stress. The same is true of each type.

When we can understand our stress behaviors and the stress of others, we can start to eliminate a lot of the mis understanding we experience at home and in work.

Building Bridges, Not Walls

The biggest thing the Enneagram has taught me about relationships is to slow down and see people. It’s taught me to assume less and to choose curiosity when it comes to my relationships. I’ve noticed asking myself and others more questions like “what is motivating this?” and “how does that help you?” It's helped me build bridges especially when I don’t understand the communication or behavior of someone. And it can help you too!

Healthy, connected relationships aren’t about changing who you are — they’re about understanding each other more deeply. That’s exactly what we’ll practice in my upcoming workshop, Thrive in Your Most Important Relationships Using the Enneagram. Join us on September 23rd to strengthen the connections that matter most.

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